on Bolivarian revolutions

I found it ironic when Hugo Chavez officially added the adjective "Bolivarian" to Venezuela's name, not because the name change was strictly cosmetic—like all name changes are—or because the Bolivarian is not exactly something you want strife for, or even because since Chavez took power Venezuela’s economy has shrunk 20 percent and so has the size of its middle class population. I found it ironic because the new namesake made Venezuela the second rhetorically Bolivarian republic in South America, the first being fucking Bolivia.

That aside, Simon Bolivar himself is not worthy of all this posthumous naming, if any at all. Bolivar was a demagogue tyrant, and before that a ruthless general with a penchant for killing hundreds of captured Spanish. He wasn’t a George Washington type as many stupid people have characterized him. He lacked the selfless dedication and the self discipline. He wasn’t an Adams, or a Hamilton, or even a Jefferson. In fact, the first and ONLY Bolivarian revolution eschewed great thinkers and all of the planning and debate necessary for a properly functioning government. Bolivar was a puffy prancing Napoleon and at the time of his death, having barely survived assassination attempts, he was probably more hated than the Spanish.

Today is a great day for Bolivarian movements. According to The New York Times, Chavez won the revocatory referendum. Chavez, in true Bolivarian fashion, gave a speech clad in ridiculous red—the representative color of his retrograde movement and a horrible color for a dress shirt—in which he cited the old Roman adage, “vox populi vox Dei.” If this is indeed true, God is some sort of asshole and he surely hates Venezuelans.