This I believe

I believe that, if on your first day at work you come close to committing the cardinal sin of your profession, you should probably reevaluate your career choices. I believe that new Miami Herald columnist Jackie Bueno Sousa, who is skating dangerously close to the thin ice of plagiarism, should do just that.

Sousa’s inaugural column ends with a short restatement of her values. And there is nothing really wrong with that--everyone, including myself, is convinced someone else cares about what they believe. The problem is that Sousa's little device and at least one of her beliefs are clearly lifted from Crash Davis’ brilliant speech in the movie Bull Durham.

This is Kevin Costner's speech [avert your eyes if you're offended by profanity]:

I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap.

I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe that there oughtta be a constitutional amendment outlawing astro-turf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft core pornography, opening your presents on Christmas morning rather than Christmas eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.

And this is Sousa's:

I believe that Main Street is as responsible for the current economic crisis as Wall Street. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone; that NFL play rules are beginning to coddle quarterbacks; and that all elected officials should be subject to term limits. I believe that man really did land on the moon; that history will redeem George W. Bush; that life begins after conception but before birth; and that nature will destroy us before we destroy it.

Yep. The Lee Harvey Oswald line is identical to the line from Bull Durham. A lot of people believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, so the line by itself doesn’t prove a lot. But when you put the lines in context, you see a different picture. The cadence of the two paragraphs is practically the same, and so is their general subjects—the mixture of politics and sports, the complaint about the erosion of certain values in sport. Sousa switches baseball for football--yeah, that's clever. There is no doubt that Sousa’s beliefs, or at least in the style in which she sought to convey them, were “inspired” by Crash Davis. And we know one belief in particular is either stolen from Bull Durham or the result of a major coincidence.

Somewhere in her column, Sousa informs us that "[i]t all goes back to our beliefs." Maybe one day she'll tell us what her beliefs are, instead of parroting those of a semi-fictional, minor-league catcher.

Now, take it away, Crash:



share this: facebook