Mini-Notes from the Oscars

Mini-Notes on the Oscar: with the caveat that I was mildly drunk as of the first commercial break.
That Chris Connelly dude from MTV: time flies, and it's tragic.

Ellen DeGeneres: Adequate.

Pan's Labyrinth: Robbed.

Jack Nicholson: Lex Luthorm research.

Al Gore: I was never a huge fan, but...wish we could all go back, no?

Ennio Morriconne: One of the greats. No wonder he looked sour, though; he knew Celine Dion was gonna spoil things.

Screen Shadows: Creeeeee-py.

Toby Maguire and Kirsten Dunst: Blatantly high.

Dreamgirls: Jennifer Hudson stole the movie, but let's face it, it's Beyonce's bootylicious I want on my screen.

Melissa Etheridge's girl is hot. Ellen's girl is hot (and ten years younger). It pays to be a lesbian.

The Mexicans winning: We gotta make the Border wall higher.

Little Miss Sunshine: Overrated! Overrated!

Montages: Most movies are cooler in 30-second doses.

Sven Nykvist died?: Shit, I'm devastated. That's it for Woody Allen.

Philipe Noiret, Peter Boyle, Robert Altman:?: This is so sad!!!

Jack Palance: Fucker had it coming!

Sexiest Man to Portray Truman Capote!: Nice dig at Phillip Seymour Hoffman's fatty plainness.

The Devil Wears Prada: Sucked ass. Forcefully.

Helen Mirren is hot. And 61. But hot. But 61.

"Someone dropped their rolling papers.": It's sooo sad that this the most transgressive Ellen will get.

Reese Witherspoon: Nothing's gonna cure that shin, baby.

Peter O'Toole: Looks just like my grandfather. The one I wish I had.

Forest Whitaker's cheesy New Agey speech: Made me tear up. It's the wine, I sooo swear.

Steven Spielberg, Francis Ford Coppola, and George Lucas: Only one of these is actually still making good movies. Guess who?

Martin Scorsese: Yes, yes!!!! Finally!!!!

Dianne Keaton's neck: Just fine! Why the hell does she feed Nora Ephron's inhibitions?

The Departed: Good. Good. 'Cause there would be ranting if "Little Miss Sunshine" won.

That's that from Hollywood. Or my apartment. Hey, after the third bottle of wine, it looks plenty glamorous!